Always have a spare asshole. Always.

As I sat down to write this, I was mildly peckish, so I brought along a bag of chips and some hummus as brain food. (“Brain food” being code for phrase #17 for “I need a thin excuse to cram garbage into face, because otherwise I’m just being a slobby pig who eats poorly at weird hours of the night.”) ┬áThe idea was that I’d munch a little and think up something clever for the blog post. Fate, being the mercurial piece of shit that it is, decided that this meant I should bite the inside of my cheek. Which I did. Kinda hard. So that’s all I can think about, now.

Which means that’s what your getting a blog post about. My friggin’ cheek hurts. And, to be quite honest, the salt on these chips is not helping.

Don’t eat and type, ya’ll.