I find the key to my successful marriage is to not have one. At least, not technically.

I would┬ábe married to my work, but as you might suspect, such unions are not legal in the state of Texas. They’re a bit close-minded around here about that sort of thing. “No, you can’t marry your work. No, you can’t adopt a habit. No, you can’t sell black market organs behind drugstores at 2 AM to Mexican gangsters.”

Seriously, Texas is such a drag.