Hans, not be confused with Oliver, is someone who looks and sounds almost exactly like Oliver, only he has a beard and the world’s least convincing German accent. Hopefully, this won’t be too confusing.

And now I’m going to keep this short because, as the moment I’m writing this, The Witcher 3 drops in just under 20 of our Earth hours and it’s kind of the only thing on my mind right now. Although that is a very distracting beard. At least, I think it’s a beard. Honestly, he may have just found it behind a box in the cargo hold. Which I suppose doesn’t inherently preclude it being a beard, but I certainly wouldn’t put it on my face, regardless.