Step one in having good bedside manner: try to sound as much like a vampire as you can. People love vampires.

Or at least they used to. I guess people mostly love superheroes these days. Though from what I can tell the appeal is mostly the same.¬†Whether you’re immortal or invulnerable, we just want to see you kiss stuff. I’m honestly kinda surprised Marvel¬†released a movie called “Civil War” and not “Everyone Has Kissy Time Together.” It’s what the kids want!

Disney, I’m tellin’ ya, there’s big money to be had in the Marvel Kissy Time Universe. Let me write it. We’ll make bazillions. Here’s, a quick sample.

EXT. – DAY – WHO CARES WHERE

BUCKY

Steve, I want to make a kissy at you.

CAP

Yes. Now we kissy.

The two embrace. And then Black Widow is there.

WIDOW

I will kissy as well.

See? This stuff writes itself. Billions.