There is a cat in my lap. He’s making it very difficult to focus on writing this. Difficult to type it, too. In fact, he’s kinda being a bit of an asshole, all told.

Oh sure, he’s staring at me, making that noise cats make that we like. He’s very warm, which is nice in this cold room. And he’s very soft, which my feeble human brain greatly enjoys. But make no mistake, this cat is still being a complete asshole.

Hey, asshole cat. Leave me in peace, that I might entertain the nice people on the Internet.

That didn’t work. In fact, now he’s nuzzling my arm, too. I seem to have backslid. Best that I just sit here, then, lest I incur ever more dire pleasantries.

Fucking cat. You are a such a cute, fuzzy, warm little asshole. Why don’t human things matter to you?!