“Boop” is a computer noise. Not something Balthazar said. He’s not that weird. Close though.

The computers in Star Trek (and, let’s be fair, the bulk of sci-fi films and television) seem maddening. No matter what you do, from the grandest of self-destruction buttons to the lowliest keystrokes, the computer always offers offers back a cheerful chirp. How has this not driven everyone in the 24th century completely insane? Imagine writing a term paper like that. You wouldn’t get through the opening paragraph before you put an axe through either the screen or yourself.

Way back in the Windows 95 era, I spent a day attaching a .wav file to every single trigger the Windows Sound menu had. By the time I was done, everything from the Start menu to maximizing a window made some godawful noise or other. I could do nothing of substance on this computer and it would result in a cacophony. It was novel and funny! For about a month. Then I realized that computers making “beep boops” all the time was really stupid. And I was twelve.

You’re telling me these people invented the warp drive and yet think this is a good idea? A clearer sign that the Federation is run by sadistic madmen you shall not find.