Space tube. Space tuuuuuuube. In all honesty, I have no idea how mass transit would work in the far-flung, space-faring, asteroid-belt-bound world of tomorrow, but! But! I bet you anything it would somehow involve tubes.

And if it didn’t, then buddy, that’s a future I want no part of. Take your tubeless visions of the future and get thee from my sight. As it is, I have far too few tubes in my life, and I just don’t think my heart could take it if I truly believed this situation will not change.

If we can’t give our children — and our children’s children — the tubes we never had, then by God, what’s the point of it all?