That dangerous line between Liquid Courage and Liquid Oh God I Can’t Feel My Legs.

To my knowledge, I’ve never had a joke plagiarized. I like to think it’s because the people who read my jokes — people like you — are the sorts of people who are kind, compassionate, and generally decent people who do their best to do right. Because I bet you are. I bet you’re da best.

And also because the alternative is that I’ve never written a joke worth stealing, and that’s just something my fragile ego dares not contemplate.